For me, this post over at UWCCF truely highlights the big roadblocks of my walk with God: my utter lack of will and discipline. He calls me back again and again, but just as the article says, I don't allow Him to be near me. It seems my fear of vulnerability exists with God as well, even though logically I know that I have absolutely no reason to fear vulnerability with God. I mean, it's not like He'll mock me or hate me for what He'll find -- for what He already knows for that matter.
No, my problem isn't lack of will, but rather too much of my own will. The need to be on top, to be in control, call the shots. Giving up the steering wheel is a terrifying thing. I'm going to need a lot of help on this one =S
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On a different note, I went to KWCAC for the first time this past Sunday. In first year, I decided against going to a Chinese church simply because I thought I was sick of being around chinese people all the time (no offense meant ^^;;). I almost wish that I had paid a visit to KWCAC sooner... going in there felt like coming home. At the same time, it took the year at CFC plus my churchless term in Ottawa to develop this sense of a home church, thus I cherish those times as a time of growth (or preparation for growth). I'll join the Sunday School next time as well -- there's little joy in going to church if one doesn't also take some time for fellowship =)
I guess a large part of this "coming home" feeling comes from the fact that a lot of CCF'ers (whom I at least know by name) go to KWCAC as well, lol. More fellowship time is a good thing ^^
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